My younger sister  is on Spring break and my mum had work. After I prepared her breakfast (buttermilk biscuits from scratch), I needed to take a nap. When I awoke, we somehow had a heart to heart. My younger sister is 15 years old-and a freshman in H.S. She came into this world, literally fighting for her life. Born several months premature and weighing just over a lb, her entry into this world was filled with complications. Even today, she must go to the hospital at the first sign of a cold.

The first time I saw her, she was ten months old and weighed 8 lbs. My mum had just returned from another state to retrieve her. One day, she received a panicked call from her niece, if she didnt have someone for *D to be released, from the hospital to, she would go into the child welfare system. My mum was the only person she trusted. Within a few days, my mum was off and when she returned, she had a tiny bundle in her arms. My younger sister had SO many problems: failure to thrive, she was fed through an inserted G-tube (in her stomach) and within a few days, she would be on oxygen. Her care was strenuous. Eventually she required Physical, Speech and Occupational Therapy for her to advance.

My mum wondered what she had gotten herself into. She was already caring for three children (my elder sister was away in college) with two jobs, a mortgage and now a very sick infant. As I am told, the first few months were difficult. Within a week of arrival, *D was hospitalized with Pneumonia (she has had this more than 20 times). My mum worked so much and did not have the time to care for a special needs baby. *D was mostly confined to home. A nurse came several days a week and it was difficult. Everyone did as much as possible to make sure she stayed with us but that was not enough. As my mum tells us, she was faced with the decision of *D going into foster care. I was a teenager at the time but said to my mum, “I will take care of her.” Thus began a life changing few years, of dedicating my life to this tiny baby. She was my life. I learned to feed her via her g-tube, hook up to the feeding pump at night, adjust her oxygen accordingly etc. She was basically my child.  I was home with her everyday, all day for several years. When she began to speak, she called me Mommy. To this day, my younger sister calls me mommy. We have a bond that is amazing. She has had to remind me of a few things through stories and photos, but the love I have for her, no brain injury can erase. Its amazing, the things I’ve forgotten but the sentiments that have remained. When seeing her for the first time after I was released from the hospital she said, “Don’t worry mommy, you’ll get better”

As we spoke today, *D began to address the concerns she has with her birth family, “I don’t feel comfortable calling the person who had me mom. I know she is my mom but I don’t know her and I don’t want her to feel bad. You are my mommy and mum is my mum” I informed her that she was the child and does not hold the burden of making others feel comfortable. Its about her comfort. *D sees her (our extended) family once a year. They live in another state, my mum and her take a road trip. She speaks to them via phone as well. She has several older siblings, as she was the youngest. She is also the youngest in our family as well. To her, its all a bit confusing-in regards to sorting out the titles. *D knows who her birth family is and who her family is. She is just at a point, that she does not want to offend anyone, or make them uncomfortable. As I told her today, “You enjoy life and say whats makes you feel comfortable. I’ll worry about the rest” *D will be over again tomorrow. I am looking forward to seeing her. I’ve never referred to her as anything other than my younger sister, and I never will. *D is a part of our family, just as much as I am, nothing will ever change that.


Weird fact: *D’s birth mother is my mum’s first niece. D calls her birth grandmother Auntie and my mum, Mum.


In other news: Its Beginning to Look A lot Like Christmas-in April ^ ^


Do you see what I see? Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!
am I the only one excited about the snow? How is the weather in your part of time? I am in Chicago


20 thoughts on “Unbreakable

  1. Pingback: Celebrate Good Time | Living with Post Concussion Syndrome
  2. Hi Lana,
    From the very first beginning I knew you are a very special person without knowing why. I thought it was the few from the Sears Tower into your balcony 🙂 but probably your 3 branding photos. They say so much and I see in the first your beauty, in the second the caring Lana and the third your pain and anger about this pain. I wish I could take it away from you and hope you are getting well soon. This post touched me really and shows me what a wonderful and caring person you are. I wish you all the best, take care and enjoy the warming spring sun. And of course you know when ever you need a helping hand or talk knock at the door. By the way I like your video too, hope you can make soon some more. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Erwin

      It never fails your comments leave me speechless and I struggle with a reply. Thank you very much. I took look forward to pain free days, I no longer know what that’s like. I also appreciate you commenting each day, helping and encouraging me. It helps tremendously. You pegged my photos so well and thank you for watching the video. I was nervous about posting it. However, it’s a unedited view into my daily life. Have a wonderful evening.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Dream A little Dream with Me | Living with Post Concussion Syndrome
  4. I’m in South Carolina right now visiting my grandparents. It’s really nice and warmish here but raining. I know in my home in Ithaca NY it is snowing like crazy! Haha I for one cant wait for spring.
    You did something really amazing, keeping D connected to her family. And you took on that responsibility as a teen, which is amazing. Most teens don’t understand what is really important but clearly you have a good head on your shoulders! I knew a lot of foster kids and they’re not usually happy, you did something really good and I’ll bet she’s eternally grateful. I know I would be ❤


    • Emily

      South Carolina, yes I know its lovely there. I guess I am the only one excited about the snow. It did sort of come out of no where. First warm and Spring like, then boom, thrust back into the winter.

      My younger sister, I am not sure if she is greatful or not. She is a teen 🙂 but she does love me dearly. A few months ago, she asked if I had any regrets about taking care of her. I immediately responded with no, and told her she is fortunate to have the opportunity to have a better life and there is nothing that she cant do. (her grades are sub par and she can definitely do much better in school).


  5. It was eighty here over the weekend, then this morning we too had a little snow. But you can have it all. 😀 I’m done with the white stuff for this year. I’m no too far from you here in Southern Indiana. Enjoyed hearing about your baby sister. 🙂


    • Wow. 80? It didn’t get that warm here. I think I am the only one excited about the snow. It’s so beautiful. Apparently this was a harsh winter. I am not accustomed to U.S winters any more so I’ve no idea what’s normal or not. Thank you for stopping by and reading. I showed her the post today. She was happy about it


  6. This is so sweet.

    I totally understand when you say ‘Its amazing, the things I’ve forgotten but the sentiments that have remained’ in my own way. I spent the first four years of my life with my mum and maternal relatives but when I moved to London I found it difficult to talk to them on the phone, especially as slowly I began to forget memories I had of them but the love always remains.

    Anyway, London (UK) is supposed to be warm, it’s 15C right now. (That’s 59F, I believe you use Fahrenheit over there.) I’ve seen a few people in shorts but I’m not really feeling the warmth at the moment sadly.


    • Thank you so much for asking. My day began with a higher than usual headache, but it returned to base line. Now it’s time for meds and bed soon. This prescription makes me so drowsy.

      Seems the weather is similar to ours. It rained all day before it transitioned into snow during the early evening.

      Thanks for stopping by, commenting, complimenting and inquiring about my state. Awfully sweet of you. Hope you’ve had a good day and have a great evening.


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